Yesterday, I spoke to a good friend who told me she was challenging herself to read the entire Bible...cover to cover...everyday until she finishes it. AND wouldn't you know that she kindly invited me to do the same.
I know that for some, reading the Bible is not exactly the most exciting activity. But, for me, reading it in its entirety is something I've wanted to do for quite some time. As I thought about how great of an accomplishment this would be, I immediately began to talk myself out of it. Yup, before I even got started, the negative self talk began:
"You can barely read the Bible as it is, soooo, how do you think you'll be able to read it everyday?"
" You don't like reading PERIOD, so why would you try to do something you don't enjoy?"
"You're too busy to commit to something for that long"
....and so on and so forth.
Making this decision called attention to some negative thinking that's been holding me back in life. It's like, even though completing this goal would be a fulfilling and enjoyable accomplishment, I won't even allow myself to TRY to do something that would make me happy. How could I treat myself this way? Do I really think so little of myself that I won't do things that I enjoy? Is comfort and familiarity more important than my happiness? Something has got to change.
I wish I understood why I function like this, but my guess is that it's much easier for me to talk myself out of doing something rather than trying something new and failing at it. As much as I hate to fail, I'm starting to think that the only true failure in life is the failure of not trying at all.
Well, I've got to cut this post short folks...the first three books of Genesis are calling my name =)