Thursday, October 25, 2012

Change begins (and sometimes ends) with me

Ok y’all, so this is not a weight loss post…BUT, it covers an area that I’ve been struggling with lately. Since my goal is to be healthy physically, spiritually and emotionally, I thought I’d share it. After all, happiness isn’t just based on what the scale says right?  =)

Lately, I’ve been dissatisfied with a few things in my life. Ok, I know that I should count my blessings, and I know that I’m “blessed and highly favored”, (and believe me, I subscribe to all of the “positive” and “Christian-ese” phrases out there.) But the fact remains that I’m human, and people/things/jobs/ (did I mention people?), will eventually cause some level of anger, frustration and disappointment in this thing that we call life.

At times, I admit that I’ve allowed the anger, disappointment, and frustration I’ve felt towards people (and situations) to wreak havoc on my attitude. At times, the weight of these emotions had been so heavy, that it felt like they were crushing every bit of positivity, happiness and faith that existed within me (which left me feeling miserable and convinced that things would never change.)

Recently, I took time for some much needed “self-talk” and gathered up enough courage to ask myself a difficult question:

“How many times are you going to get angry at the SAME people for doing the SAME STUFF they always do?”

When was I going to wake up and realize that my expectations don’t cause anyone to change…that my feelings won’t cause anyone to change…and, that my emotions definitely won’t cause anything to change. Truth be told, people change when they’re good and ready, and for the sake of my sanity (and well being), I have to learn to be ok with that.

So, in an effort to make peace with the unpleasant things in my life I’ve decided to stop focusing on the “offenders” (the other person(s)/thing(s)), and work on the offended (me). No more doing things to purposely “teach people a lesson”. I’m now focusing on what I can do to make things better for me–whether things change or not. I realize that it’s up to me to manage the way I react to life’s difficulties, so that someone else’s problem doesn’t one day become my ulcer. I’m not here for that.

The goal is to allow people to be who they are, while I treat them with compassion, mercy and grace…the tough part is being able to pull this off in spite of the way I’m being treated. No, this doesn’t mean that I’ve decided to become the world’s doormat, but it does mean that I’m using the power of God’s real love to change me, which ultimately makes every situation better. Love never fails.

The excerpt below is a beautiful description of the type of love I strive to give. Despite what we see on TV, or what some misinformed Christian has shown or told us, this is what real, genuine Godly love looks like. The quote is taken from the Bible. There are tons of different translations of the Bible, and this particular one is called “The Message” (a.k.a. super simple plain English version). Enjoy!

“If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.”

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-10

P.S. **Weight Loss updates will be posted next week!**

Monday, October 8, 2012

Begin Again (this time for the last time)

Today is the official day for me to hit the proverbial “reset button” on my weight-loss. For the past 5 months I’ve been going to Weight Watchers, and have just been going through the motions. Though I’ve managed to lose 8 pounds in that time, I can’t help but wonder how far I could have been if I would have been a little more serious about this portion of my weight-loss journey.

It’s not easy to admit to myself (and the entire world), that I’ve done a half-ass job on anything, especially something related to my well-being. Things get even more difficult when I reflect on my past successes and compare them with where I am today. Just over two years ago, I’d lost 30 pounds and had made some great lifestyle changes. I loved the person I’d become and was committed to getting the weight off-FOR GOOD. Things were going great…until I applied to Business School and wasn’t accepted. Over time, old habits began to creep up, and eventually emotional eating and I rekindled a painful flame…a flame that I’ve been struggling to put out ever since.

But today my friends, is a new day. Even though I struggle with letting go of my past, I’ve decided to take what I’ve learned (both good and bad), and get back in the ring to fight for my life. I pray that this blog will inspire you to do the same.

Weight Watchers update:

• Today’s weigh in: lost 1.2 lbs (since my last weigh in on 9/24).

• Total weight loss to date: 8.0 lbs

• Daily points target: 40

Goals for the week:

• To journal/track everything I eat, every day

• To exercise at least twice

*extra credit: write another Blog post this week =)